Monday, September 20, 2010

Facing the wind and the rain.

So Friday I had two doctors diagnose me with Meniere's Disease. I was I think in shock on Friday. Saturday I became frustrated reading about it online because everywhere I go it says something different. I will go deaf. I might go deaf. It will only affect one ear, it will affect two ears. Attacks hit you in clusters. Attacks can be spread out. Attacks last 20 minutes, attacks last 4 hours. It is livable. It is horrible and you will wish to be deaf so all symptoms will stop.

I am confused and frustrated. I don't know if I will hear my kids laugh in six months. I don't know if I will hear my sisters vows at her wedding in a year. I don't know if I will hear the people I love around me laughing. You don't think about your vision, your hearing, or anything for that matter until it is gone. I have already lost 47% of my hearing in my left ear. It just brought up so many feelings. I probably won't be able to do daycare if I lose all of my hearing. Who wants to have their child watched by someone who can't hear them crying? Who can't hear that they just opened the front door and walked out? I mean seriously. I am sure there are people who are deaf whom are EXCELLENT mothers... tell me about ONE childcare provider. I don't think the state will license you. I would think that is a liability. Praying, praying, praying this is only going to affect my left ear. The most frustrating thing is it seems as though going deaf can take one year or 20. So vague.

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