Thursday, January 28, 2010

"Adam", your wife is affecting the peace in my heart.

I must just say FIRST that I can't figure out why this is bothering me exactly. It should probably be an OH WELL I TRIED, and give up, but it is bugging me bad. So as you all know, when I am bothered by something I tend to write and write and write. It makes me feel like I have given it up.

Ok so I am going to vent here, and I BETTER hear comments... I really really want to know if I am wrong to be upset about this. I think your life from 14 to 17 is pretty important. It is a huge part of who you become I think. So imagine you have a REALLY good friend. You are a female, and your friend is a male. It is summer and you are about to go into high school and he is going to be a Sophomore when school starts. You hang out all the time. You laugh, You cry, you tell jokes, you talk about music, you hike, you sneak out with friends a teepee a total mean kid (sorry Todd Bailey but you did dump water on me). YOU grow up with this friend, a really good friend. Then one day, you get a boyfriend. And your friend doesn't like him. NOW Me, I thought my friend, (we will call him Adam) wasn't happy because he didn't like football players. Adam thought football players were "players" in the boyfriend/girlfriend department also. Adam didn't think this certain boyfriend was right for me. He came over one day and tried to tell me how he felt. (My cursor is blinking here, I have so much guilt this part is hard) I yelled at him. I was horribly mean to him. Adam was such a good friend and for 3 years had done everything with me and for me. I was MEAN. I told him to get out. I told him to leave, I told him I didn't want to see him again. And he left. Later that year he joined the Marines. I was so proud of him, but to proud myself to tell him anything. My heart ACHED to tell him that I didn't want him to leave, and that I would miss him and that I would write. I was to selfish and self centered to just apologize to him for the way I treated him. So he left. I dated the guys he didn't like, had some great boyfriends. He came back one day out of the blue while he was on leave, and he wouldn't talk. I thought it was because he was still mad at me, maybe it was the Marines. I didn't think the Marines would take your feelings and your emotion and your smiling away. I hugged him and said I was glad he was home. He said he had stopped by to say hello, and that he was leaving again in the Morning. He left, and time went by, and I ended up getting married and having kids. I thought about him a lot. I still do. I mean I hung out with him more than my best girlfriend. So as you can imagine as I got older and had children and taught children the right and wrong way to act, it made me realize (well I knew it was wrong then but) that I needed to apologize to him. I had heard he got married and had children and this made me so happy. I wanted him to have a family. I wanted him to have a wife that could see how amazing he treated women. He was so good. So honest So fair, so fun, so patient, so understanding. I am such an ass. WHY would you treat someone so good to you so horribly? So I decided I had to apologize to feel better and to let it go. I have tried to find him for the last year to just say that. You were amazing to me, I am so sorry I treated you the way I did, you did nothing to deserve that and thank you for making those years so special. You were an amazing friend.
Which brings me to my problem. Facebook is amazing. You find people easily and guess who I found? I was so excited. I sent a friend request with a message. I figured if he didn't accept me as a friend, that would be fine he could at least hear my message. BUT his wife was offended. The message didn't get past her. WHY are women so insecure? I am so happily married. I am NO threat. I live in a different state. I don't want your husband. I would be ok to not talk to your husband ever again. I just want to tell him one thing. DAMNIT why are females like this? Strange thing though... I am (sadly) like her too. WE women are AMAZING warriors at protecting our families. My heart is broke, and for some fricking reason, I can't give it to God, and don't quite know why. Why can't I just let it go and be satisfied with the fact that I tried?

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