Monday, December 7, 2009

My evenings, then and now.

It is almost midnight and I am wide awake. WIDE awake. I am sitting here thinking. I wonder if you stood in someone's house at night (that someone being unaware) what their evening would consist of. If it is laying in a recliner kicked back watching TV and the news and then going to bed? If it is sitting on a couch with a blanket and a good book and their cat? Just what is everyones normal comfortable evening routine? Do you ever wonder what your girlfriends house is like after she puts her kids to bed? If her and he husband talk? If her and her husband ignore each other? If he sits in his chair watching the news or if they lay on the couch exchanging kisses?
I think back to when I was 16. My evening consisted of homework, talking on the phone with my boyfriend. Listening to music I liked. Painting my toe nails, and doodling hearts on my math book cover. Fast forward a few years. I was married to my now ex husband. My evenings consisted of me cleaning up the dishes, me putting the kids in the tub, me getting them dressed for bed, me kissing them goodnight and me tucking them in. Me walking by my ex-husband (who never looked up from the TV from the moment he got off work) to our bedroom where he no longer slept. I remember feeling sad and relieved at the same time. Sad to be alone. Sad to be a single mom even though I was married. Just sad period. At the same time feeling relieved that he wasn't going to talk to me that night so that my kids wouldn't wake up from him yelling and telling me what a horrible person I was. Fast forward a few more years. My evening consisted of all the same things with the kiddos. Doing all the kiddo stuff myself, (which I loved and still love doing) but then I was divorced. I had a boyfriend. But I lived in a house all by myself being a single mom to three kids. I managed to make ends meet. My evenings consisted of watching TV or reading with the TV on for background noise. Checking the locks three times wishing I had a man to make me feel safe in my own home. Crazy hu? I would stay awake until my eyes burned. I would fall asleep and wake exhausted. A little bit more down the road, my boyfriend asked me to marry him and moved in. We got married and our evenings used to be watching TV until I fell asleep in his lap on the couch and he would wake me up to come to bed. Now again we have changed. We have a rule in our house that 8:30 is bedroom time. I don't care if you are 18 months old (Mark) or 40 (my hubby) EVERYONE is in their room at 8:30. The big kids don't have to sleep right away but it is room time. Read, finnish homework, play a video game what ever. Just in your rooms. Maybe it sounds selfish but I got really tired of getting the kids to bed and by the time we were done dealing with them we were exhausted and it was past our "bed time". So 8:30 is mine and my hubby's time too. Mark and Jaidyn go to bed strictly at 8:30 and the older kids are to have their lights out by 9:00. Morgan my 16 year old by 10:30. Now my evening consists of going to my room at 8:30 turning on the TV, getting out our lap tops, talking, checking email, laughing about our days, drinking sleepy time tea, and being able to connect. I love it. I hope it doesn't sound selfish to send your kids to bed and banish them to their rooms so you can have YOUR time. But I will say it makes me a better mom. It makes me a better wife. It makes me feel READY for bed. It winds my day down. So here is a visual for you.. both of our macs, side by side this is how my evenings go now.

What about you? What is your evening like in your house? I really do want to know. What is your norm?

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