Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bright, Yellow and Sunny...

Christmas is gone and 2010 is less than 24 hours away. Wow. Another year gone. I remember writing 1984 on the date line on my school papers in elementary school. Wow. The saying time flies when your having fun is so true. There are times when times weren't so fun, that felt as though they would last forever, and they flew by too.
2009 was a hard year. I have learned to stop and smell the roses. My cute, sweet, tiny two year old, (yesterday it seems) turned 16 this year. I remember her asking for more milk in her bottle. That was yesterday. So apparently yesterday was 1993. Hmmm. does that mean that tomorrow is going to be 2022? I have just come to realize how very little time we have with the ones that we love.

My grandma (Nita) isn't doing good and I was laying in bed last night almost asleep thinking how it seems like yesterday that I was 8 spending the night at their house and loved how they let me stay up late. I remember laying on their teal green couch with a big green blanket trying to stay up as late as them. I would work and work and work to stay awake. I remember each time I stayed there I would make it to the theme song to M.A.S.H. (which was my grandpa Jerry's favorite show) and then I would wake up the next morning in bed with my grandma. My grandpa always took the back bedroom bed because I didn't want to sleep by myself. I remember the day I was so excited that I was tall enough to reach their hall light switch. I remember my grandpa saying "WOAH, you reached that light switch and didn't even need your tip-tip-tippy-toes!" I remember that moment as if it happened five minutes ago.

I was over there the other day and sitting in her front room. She had fallen asleep while I was there and I just looked around. I remember the sound of the lawn mower when my grandpa Jerry would be cutting the grass and the smell when my grandma would be baking a pie. Their house was always so opened and bright and yellow, and sunny and happy. To this day the color yellow makes me think of my grandma's house. Somewhere from then until now, the drapes were drawn. It is now gloomy and dark. When did that become normal? My grandpa has been dead for 10 years and I never noticed. I stood up and opened the drapes, (their drapes at her house and curtains at mine). The dust kind of rolled through the sunshine off the sheers. I pushed them open and let the sun fill her front room. Somewhere in between reaching that light switch and now, I have been married, divorced, remarried, have given birth to five children, have become a step parent to one, and run my own business. And my grandma's bright, yellow and sunny home has become dark and gloomy. Why? When? Who let this happen? It just opens your eyes. The paint is cracking on her garage. Her hose is dried out and worn, her coffee pot leaks. It has all just gotten old like her. I help her a lot. It just all caught up with me, (and her). She said she has had a wonderful life, and she is so happy with the way her life turned out. I feel so lucky to be a part of her family and her life. I am so blessed but time is going to fast. But I really really don't want 2010 to come because I think it is my grandma's last year. The bright yellow sun is setting for her, sadly. Time flew while "I" was having fun.

1 comment:

  1. Don't you wish sometimes you could just stop the clock? For a minute, for an hour... a year? Or maybe turn it back, to hug that person one last time before the opportunity disappears forever? Doesn't seem fair.
    Cindy, no matter how much you're there for your Grandma, it will never seem like enough. But I know in her heart and mind, you are her angel. Give yourself a bit of credit and, even if she doesn't say it directly, listen for her appreciation. It's there.
    I hope I'm not overstepping here, but let me know if you need help keeping her company or cleaning up or anything. I'm a neat freak by nature, so anything I can do to help.
    You are a gifted writer, if nobody's ever told you. More than once reading your posts, I've been in the room with you, seeing what you were seeing. I love to write and the written word, so I wanted to let you know my impression.