I am sad. I am mad. I am hurt. I am confused. I am in denial. I am in denial that there are people in this world that will take advantage of kind, loving, giving, praying people. I am ashamed that I am unable to let go of this, that I for some reason can't just "give it to God". I cried over this baby before bed. I prayed for her. I prayed for Rebeckah. I am most angry about it taking time, prayers, donations, support, and many other things away from other parents whom are going through the same thing, but it is REALLY happening to them. My heart breaks for Jennifer (Stellans mom), Angie and Raechel. They are such kind, loving, good people. I was so sad that this "mom losing her baby" put these three moms in this situation. I hope everyone can see that they were just innocent christians praying for a cause that they "thought" was important and real. I am feeling guilty though. In my anger I wrote the following words on my facebook:
"Very, very, very hurt and mislead by miss "April Rose's" mother. How dare you take advantage of peoples time and money. You should be ashamed of yourself. And to think of all the mothers whom really have lost a child to that horrible disease. I took my time praying for your "made up child". I am so shocked for some reason that there are people in this world like you. And you pulled in innocent people! Disgusted! "B", I will pray for you, and pray for everyone asking for understanding on why you would make up such a horrible, heart breaking story to have personal gain. I hope in life you are NEVER blessed with a child. For you obviously don't realize what a true blessing they are! That is why so many people gave so much to you... we were all mothers and couldn't imagine what you were possibly going through!
I am ashamed (kind of) that I wrote that. I was angry. I still am. But I should have never judged her. That is not my place and I was wrong. I need to remember that some people are just not nice and make very poor choices and that is Gods job to deal with. My heart just hurt at the time. I prayed for peace and this post is my way of giving it to God. I got it off my chest and I won't bring it up again. Some people just haven't found what they truly need to find... yet.