Monday, April 6, 2009

Way tired and all over the place so this prob comes with little to no understanding...

Well its late and I'm tired so this shouldn't take long. Morgan is still acting up, I don't know what to do with her. I guess nothing. I guess she is going to have to learn the hard way. She has been ditching school. I guess they will have to suspend or expel her, I will not save her ass anymore. But I love her and I hope she knows that. I am so angry at her dad, (my ex) he told me how bad I was doing at raising her, that I was controlling her to much and I gave her NO breathing room, which is why she was acting up. I pulled that rude line, well if you think you can do better, you try. So Morgan went to live with him for awhile. Instead of being controlling like I was he has given her absolute freedom. No rules. NONE. She can stay where ever, when ever, with whom ever. Now she is not going to school or going home to her dads house and just texts me with a text that said, "mom, I'm staying at a friends house tonight, dad knows but says he doesn't care to know the details. I'm just telling you so that you know I have a ride to school tomorrow. Then she doesn't go to school, and doesn't go home to his house and now she wont call me either. So the plan is I am going to call her in as a runaway. she is not at home, she is not going to school I don't know what else to do. I have already turned off her cell phone. I thought i would hear from her within seconds, but nothing. No call from her. I hope I did the right thing by turning off her phone. I am so pissed that her dad said I was to controlling. Please God, don't let her get pregnant. Patrick is such a moron. He didn't take Morgan for her Deppo shot either. He was mad that I got Morgan a deppo shot. I said it was not giving her permission to have sex, but he is an idiot if he thinks sixteen year old girls are not having sex. The reason he is such a moron to think this is he got me pregnant when I was seventeen, and he was 27!!! So yeah, she is having sex. And he thought he could do so much better raising her than me. I'm not saying I am better, but don't judge someone or the job they are doing until you try it. He then had the nerve to tell me today, that she wouldn't be acting like this now if I would have given her what she needed (uncontrolled space) earlier in her life so she wouldn't be needing it now. Does that even make sense? DID I MENTION THAT I HATE HIM??? Forgive me for hating the father of some of my children, and for judging him!

I am thinking (and praying) a lot for and about
Stellan. He has a new cardiologist as of today and the new doctor decided that his iv meds are considered a "failure" so they have decided to give him a week to try oral meds and see if they work, which so far today they have not. If that does not work, they have decided to do surgery on his tiny heart early next week. He is very young and there are a lot of risks in this surgery, and it is not usually preformed on an infant due to their hearts being so small. But Jennifer (Stellan's mom) has all of her faith in God, and believes that this is what needs to be done being that there has been no change in Stellan in three weeks. I pray this surgery works. I know she has faith in God, and so do I however, that would terrify me if I was his mom. It terrifies me and I am not his mom. I am reassured knowing this doctor is supposed to be the very best. Stellan's tiny heart deserves only the very best. I think it is funny that you can love someone so much that you don't even know, but I do. I wish Stellan's mom would follow my blog or follow me on twitter, because I would love to just pray with her or tell her how much mothers like me admire her. I think she has an idea of how many people are praying for Stellan, but I would love to be one of the ones who can personally tell her. I am so blessed to have found her blog and her story. What an amazing family they are. It made me count my blessings. Its made me a better mother and wife. It has made this entire world come together praying for one thing. Stellan's tiny heart. I honestly feel that God will heal him by guiding the doctors hand in surgery and it will show the world (the thousands praying and the thousands still questioning God) that God is good and can do great things like sending Stellan's name around the world in less than a month. I am going to bed now. Pray Pray Pray for Stellan that a miracle will occur. His oral meds will just work. Plain and simple... just work, no surgery needed. Now that would be a blessing. This God would be my one and only true wish, for no parent to ever have to experience losing a child, (as you did I now realize).

Connor, Maddie, Jaidyn and Mark are all doing really well. ´╝ętook some amazing pictures of Mark today, I will try and post them tomorrow. Good night all!

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