Thursday, April 9, 2009

maddie, connor and a coach we miss.

Maddie has her roman day tomorrow. She is so excited. She gets to dress up in the "costume" we made. We picked up Gold ribbon to go around her neck and waist. I remember being in school and looking forward to the "fun" days. I don't tell her enough that she really is a good girl. I mean really. She never argues she has all A's and B's, she always does her homework without fighting. I am really proud of her. I think we get so swept into life that we just expect the good ones to be good. MEMO TO SELF to thank Maddie and hug her extra tight.

Connor is doing good also. I am bummed out that he didn't want to play baseball this year. We (
ok HE I just cheered) have played baseball for the last eight years straight. His best friends dad, also his baseball coach (assistant) committed suicide last fall. At the very end of the baseball season. Its a long horrible story, I'll have to tell you sometime. Connor said he didn't want to play baseball this year because it reminded him to much of coach Mike. I tried to explain that coach Mike would want you to play. He said Coach Mike told me to never give up on anything I didn't think I was good enough at, and Coach Mike gave up on life. I just need a break mom. Those were his words and I think he needs a year. I talked him into playing Lacrosse. He needs to do something. I wish the other baseball coach (who has been his head coach for all eight years, and best friends with the assistant coach) would have come to talk to Connor. There are five boys all together who are not playing this year. I loved Mike. I wish I would have just asked him if he was ok that last day I saw him. He looked like shit. I even thought to myself that he looked like shit, and reminded myself that I needed to mind my own business, that sometimes people just look like shit, me included. I could kick myself in the ass now. He did it two days after that. I wish I would have just hugged him and said hey, if you ever need to talk, just call. SOMETHING, a simple pat on the back would have been better than what I did. I did nothing. At least if Id patted him on the back he might have thought twice for one second. So I didn't argue with Connor. I heard him. I REALLY heard him. I will write about the rest of the kiddos and more about Mike maybe tomorrow. I am exhausted. I am going to bed now. NIGHT !!

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