Thursday, April 30, 2009

I love her... she loves me NOT (or so it seems)!

I am so tired of stressing about money.  This economy is crazy.  My husbands work has dwindled to nothing and my daycare can't pay it all.  In three months of him having no work, our savings is gone.  I am freaking out.  I am remembering to remember that it can always be worse.  Somehow God will provide.  I have no idea (other than Him) it always seems to work out.  

As for our kids today, all is good, (well kinda, what I can control anyway).  I am continuing to be angry (forgive me please) during the day at Morgan and lay awake worrying about her at night. My blog by this point must be sounding very repetitive.  It just seems like the issues I am having, or need to blog about to get off my chest are not going anywhere... please don't stop following my blog and leave because of that.  I am so blessed to have you all following me!  I was looking back through baby pictures of Morgan.  She was so kind and sweet and loving and she ALWAYS had a smile on her face.  I didn't notice the down hill slide until my divorce with her dad.  I know divorce is way hard on kids, but she was eight when we got divorced.  I know everyone and their brother will tell you NOT TO STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS, but had I known then what I know now, I may have,  just to try and make her life that much easier now.  I just think you know right from wrong at the age of 15 EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS GOT DIVORCED!!!  I think counselors, and psychologists and therapists give these kids excuses to why they are behaving the way they are.  I went to school for psychology and I don't believe that!  I think counseling is needed to deal with things.  I believe that you can be hurting from certain issues happening to you, but I do not believe for one minute that those things happening make you do bad unacceptable things.  I was raped at the age of 15, I am not breaking the law because of it. Give me a break.  Anyway back to those pictures.  She was so cute...... (ok she still is, she just has a NOT SO CUTE attitude).  I'll have to post some of her baby pictures later... they are on our other computer, here are some of her pictures around the age of 12.  ok so it wont put her pictures here...  it added them up top.  Oh well.  She is just not coming home.  When she calls us it is from a blocked number.  She is not going to school.  She said her friends mom said she could live with them.   I would love to get my hands  (ok my voice and finger in her face) on this mom.  Seriously someone else's child is staying with you for a week and you do nothing.  Look into it.  Question.  Call the mother to just check.  Even if I got that call of , "hi this is so and so's mom, it sounds like Morgan is pretty upset, and if its ok with you, she is welcome to stay here for a couple of days while everything cools off.  I just wanted to let you know that she is here and she is safe, I would feel better.  BUT NO YOU GET THESE (hold on I have to think of a nice name)....... Irresponsible, disrespectful, advantage taking people that don't give a crap (again nice word being used) what their kids do and where and how they do it.  I continue to pray.  What else can I do.  I have called her in as a runaway, but it is not illegal to run away.  The police will just bring her home when they find her.  Just for her to run away again.  Oh and the best part, if she doesn't go to school (which she is not) the parents (um that would be me, being that my ex does NOTHING) get fined and possible jail time.  My hands are tied in every direction.  So I chose to keep my hands together as if they were tied, and just pray. pray.  blog.  pray.  pray.  blog.  (Oh and I pray you won't get tired of reading it.....  Thanks for letting me vent. I'll write about my other kiddos in a bit... I have to get SOMETHING done!

1 comment:

  1. Look, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can in a pretty sad situation. I don't think what her friend's mom is doing is the right thing...what if the roles were reversed?

    You can't think that what happened between you and your ex is why she is acting the way she is. She's acting the way she is because she's a teenager. And, you know she wants to be treated like an adult, but she's not acting like one.

    Most of us have temporary laspes in judgement when we were her age. I know that telling her, "geez, sweetie, I went through the same thing" isn't going to help because God-forbid (gasp!) moms and dads don't know WHAT in the world they're talking about...